14 items listed, 8 more items to post

total: 22 postings
day 2: 3 sales, made $150

total: 5 sales, $290

17 to go....

14 items listed, 8 more items to post

total: 22 postings
day 1: 2 sales, 5 pending. made $140

tomorrow im hoping to make another $180 and make this apt a little less ridiculous. wish me luck.

2?

a month of no sleep is starting to catch up with me.

my short term memory is fucked.

and im starting to fall asleep errrywhere.

but the most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all...
is the one you have with yourself. .. uh, yeah. satc. wanna fight about it?

so this is the time where i ought to do my year in review that i was too exhausted to do last year. but... im still exhausted. i suppose what i am trying to take out of this past year is how much i need to know what i want and actually stand for it. somewhere along the line in relationships, once i get over my fear of commitment and decide this person is worth the risk, i give up anything to minimize the risk of losing the person. and marginalize myself.

so me and nick get in a pattern of me not expressing what i need or standing ground on things i want in my life. and then i take it out on him. and then he does dumb things in retaliation. which i then don't know how to deal with. and i get resentful about the things i volunteered to give up that he still does (as he should... because they are things i should have never given up). and i need a break from the downward spiral of fucking each other up. i dont want to get to the point me and dayton were at, hanging on to frail threads of dysfunction.
so..
i love nick. and i love nick and me stable. but thats not there right now.

so im working on focusing on the things i love. back to music. back to reading. back to pretending to knit or draw or write or make jewelry or whatever whimsical whim i have on any given week. back to dressing in what i want for myself. and not constantly doubting myself and what i deserve based on someone else's feelings.

and maybe those things will lead me back to nick, im sure they will make me easier to deal with and happier. or maybe it will lead me somewhere else. but i need to stop valuing my life extrinsically based on what it contributes to a relationship, no matter how much i want it, and start to appreciate myself for my intrinsically valuable awesomeness.

yes?
yes.

ps. tonight sucked.

she says i grew up well
well...
well, i grew up strong
cause no one's got my back
no one's gonna write me my songs
it could have been a month or
it could have been a year but i
i gave up long before
cause i've been tired for days and days

i've been tired for days and days.

the world feels so abrasive and lonely today...

fell asleep: 1am
woke up: 3:30am

fifth night in a row

number of postsecret postcards that reflect my sentiment:
2

i cried during every debate.

i cried when i dropped off my ballot.

i cried when the race was called.

but when i called my dad, we talked about election results without fighting and now i cant stop crying.

i really never even conceptualized what it would feel like to be proud and hopeful at the end of election night. and i never thought it would happen and allow for some opportunity to bond with my father.

http://www.mikeonads.com/2008/07/13/using-your-browser-url-history-estimate-gender/

you know, i really thought my browsing history would be more gender neutral.  i was shocked to get 100% female.  but then i realized it was skewed by all my recent wedding sites searching for tolerable bridesmaid dresses.

park that car
drop that phone
sleep on the floor
dream about me.

make a wish....

...
...
...
...
...
he is SO angel clare!!!!!! hahaha, im such a literary twit

all weekend,
i sent texts
but i couldnt see received texts.

whoopsies!

picture meme.

Rules:
* take a pic of yourself right now.
* don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
* post that picture with NO editing
* post these instructions with your picture

oh, and for anyone who doesnt think my life is an exact replica of cw drama.  last night, i watched the dark knight.  which means i missed the new gossip girl episode titled the dark night, in which serena and dan? you guessed it.  if only i had watched, i would have seen this all coming.

</crazytheory>